sonrising54 54 M
8  Articles‚ Score 13.9
Blind Date   8/24/2019

I had a blind date once. A friend of mine asked take his g/f's sister. I agreed. So I went her place get her. When she opened the door she was 5ft tall and weighed about 350lbs. I thought okay. So we went a nice restaurant. After sitting down she looked at the menu intently. I thought okay. Then she said can I pick what I want. I said sure. She ordered 3 complete meals. The waiter ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
SexOnMyMindWithU 47 M
3  Articles‚ Score 3.2
Was hoping to get caught and did! Now I smile :-)   8/19/2019

So the other night my lady friend and I had a pit fire and got drunk at her place at her farm. I had an idea to pop my tent that night at her place. So that is what I did before we started to drink and pit fire. Many times before her and I have done this and we end up naked enjoying each other before the night ended. So as the night went on we both got really drunk and had one hell of a good ...


1 Comments, 17 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
Kevint2457 24 M
1  Article
Sense of humor   8/17/2019

relationships where both individuals don’t have a good sense of humor never seem work. Understand you have take you relationship serious but making each other laugh and smile helps build and sustain a good relationship.


0 Comments, 10 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
MagicalHungDevil 26 M
1  Article
booty   8/7/2019

o booty how I chase thee I only did this for my points yee I don't want to trespass I just want to fuck that ass good people i love you with that said throu


0 Comments, 9 Views, 9 Votes ,2.57 Score
1175cuckcuple 44 C
2  Articles
GETTING FINGERED   8/4/2019

how long getting fingered before its no longer foreplay????


2 Comments, 23 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
kissableleo66 67 M
6  Articles‚ Score 0.3
Me too   7/27/2019

Everyone is here for the points.


1 Comments, 14 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
rdhair44 60 M
95  Articles
Peter at the gate.   6/21/2019

comes to gates of Heaven telling Peter about her husband and their yard, Peter tells her you didn't need a man , you needed a bull , you are a milking cow.


1 Comments, 41 Views, 26 Votes ,2.59 Score
Summernites88 43 C
7  Articles
Loosen up   6/10/2019

Getting ready for a meet...loosen up. Remember your here for fun. Although keeping our nerves in check is not easy. So lighten up and have the most fun imaginable.


5 Comments, 96 Views, 59 Votes ,4.67 Score
dess36 48 M
121  Articles‚ Score 6.8
I like   5/29/2019

I like to do it in public places, but of morbid people ho like to look, to me as you can see in my photos, I love it...


6 Comments, 65 Views, 18 Votes ,1.76 Score
Pal4Perks 59 M
3  Articles
Panty hose   5/16/2019

So I ducked this woman I met. See told me discrete, and she really wanted it bad. Great i hit it hard, and fast, done in record time. Then she tell me she was a virgin. I say, if I knew you were a virgin, I would have taken my time with you. She says, if I knew you were going to take your time, I would have taken my panty hose off.


0 Comments, 47 Views, 30 Votes ,2.55 Score
Lickin805 29 M
5  Articles
anyone ever...   5/4/2019

slap a girls ass while your 69ing and then get the weird feeling like a you just disturbed a bunch of poop particles that are now falling down onto your face...probably not but I swear i've felt dusting before and it really pulls you out of the moment and makes you hesitant to slap that ass again...


2 Comments, 50 Views, 36 Votes ,1.17 Score
brbog 64 M
16  Articles
MRS Smith   5/3/2019

The doctor called Mrs Smith and her husband answered The doctor said mister Smith I thunk we got your wife's test result mixed with the wrong Mrs Smith 's not good What can we do The doctor said one Mrs Smith has dementcha and the other has syphilis .So hears what you can do to help us take your wife to the edge of town and drop her off. If she comes back home DONT fuck her


0 Comments, 40 Views, 28 Votes ,2.32 Score
BoyFreaky22 25 M
3  Articles
Said "No Thank You"   4/8/2019

One night, drinking at my friends, I decided to invite a girl friend over to partake. As the night went on, and her drooling over me, things started to die down and get quiet. Just as the room got silent, my girl friend leaned over and yelled "LET'S FUCK". Me being shy, politely said "No thank you". The next week, the same girl friend called me up and asked me if I would ...


1 Comments, 95 Views, 44 Votes ,3.75 Score
Fully_Loaded_100 31 M
6  Articles
What's the funniest thing that's happened to you during sex?   4/7/2019

I once broke the bed right before climax.. went right through it!


0 Comments, 57 Views, 36 Votes ,3.24 Score
Sex Stories   3/23/2019

"Most people can probably agree sex is pretty great—at least, until something gross and unexpected happens and totally kills the mood. If you look back, you can probably think of at least a few scenarios where something disgusting happened in bed—something that, if you weren't pants-less, would have you running for the door at lightning speed. <br><br> For your ...


2 Comments, 67 Views, 39 Votes ,1.93 Score
Alakabam92 26 M
9  Articles
Points   2/17/2019

Just here for the points


8 Comments, 84 Views, 55 Votes ,4.95 Score
man4nightfun2 49 M
4  Articles
mothers   1/9/2019

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. <br><br> The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and ...


4 Comments, 117 Views, 47 Votes ,3.23 Score
man4nightfun2 49 M
4  Articles
mothers   1/9/2019

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. <br><br> The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and ...


5 Comments, 68 Views, 35 Votes ,2.71 Score
man4nightfun2 49 M
4  Articles
meet you in heaven   1/9/2019

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her — “Hello” “How are you! We’ve been waiting for ...


3 Comments, 73 Views, 30 Votes ,3.34 Score
man4nightfun2 49 M
4  Articles
meet you in heaven   1/9/2019

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her — “Hello” “How are you! We’ve been waiting for ...


1 Comments, 39 Views, 20 Votes ,3.64 Score
6ft3intallBBC 26 M
4  Articles
sex   1/6/2019

https://www.healthywomen.org/content/article/understanding-your-sex-drive-when-one-you-wants-it-more?context=healthcenter/60&context_title=60&context_description=


1 Comments, 30 Views, 19 Votes ,0.75 Score
MrInkyArms 43 M
2  Articles
In a perfect world   11/27/2018

Orgies!


2 Comments, 40 Views, 32 Votes ,2.02 Score
fun4we2or3 43 M
8  Articles
the funniest thing you ever had happen while playing with a partner   11/21/2018

I would be interested in hearing from others as to the funniest thing that has ever happened ..... in the moment..


6 Comments, 80 Views, 36 Votes ,3.76 Score
trellos4u2 33 M
9  Articles
wtf   10/5/2018

for fun or not


5 Comments, 59 Views, 43 Votes ,3.54 Score
LongerDongSilvrs 32 M
1  Article
asdfkfsdk;fa;   8/29/2018

lmdfgagf


1 Comments, 46 Views, 42 Votes ,2.70 Score
shaggy19563 63 M
1  Article
WOW won't believe this.   7/12/2018

Well I was married to a redheaded German, Irish, Indian gal for over ten years. If I could write a book about those years not sure how to put the book on the stands. Fact, fiction, or your not going to believe this shit. The sex life I really miss but if your old enough to remember the 16 ounce Pepsi glass bottles that came in 8 packs I think she could hit a fly off a fence post at about 50 yards ...


2 Comments, 102 Views, 58 Votes ,3.04 Score
UncutLVRJulio 30 M
5  Articles
Relationship Clichés: What They Really Mean   7/5/2018

Regardless of who you date, no matter how long the relationship lasts; chances are you’ll hear some (if not all) of these favorites. Here’s what they really mean. <br><br> “Sometimes the person you want the most is the person you are best without.” I like you but we DO NOT get along. <br><br> “Everything is going to be OK. Maybe not now or ...


8 Comments, 176 Views, 91 Votes ,5.19 Score
lookn4yu2day 68 M
18  Articles
It's ALL Good!   6/28/2018

In a relationship? Is it a permanent marriage type? Serious one such as being engaged? Starting one as in just getting to know each other? <br><br> No matter the status of the relationship.... ya gotta keep all in perspective. Nothing.... there should be nothing too serious so as to not be able to communicate about and keep things "light." There is a need to ...


1 Comments, 56 Views, 42 Votes ,3.31 Score
I am 52 years Bengali from kolkata do job a very simple man looking for a real friend if u like call   5/4/2018

I am 52 years Bengali from kolkata do job a very simple man looking for a real friend if u like call me 9734 eight 52353I am 52 years Bengali from kolkata do job a very simple man looking for a real friend if u like call me 9734 eight 52353I am 52 years Bengali from kolkata do job a very simple man looking for a real friend if u like call me 9734 eight 52353I am 52 years Bengali from kolkata ...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 40 Votes ,1.32 Score
seriously ,that is considered bisexual ? I am wondering.   4/18/2018

Bisexual seems like a simple term that is easy to understand. But , is it really that simple to declare some a bisexual? Does having participated in a 3 way with another of the same sex make some a bisexual? Does intimate contact with the same sex define the sexuality , or is it the intent of the parties involved. I get a lot of men that want to give oral sex, but If I accept , am I now a ...


9 Comments, 119 Views, 43 Votes ,4.22 Score
flicker3210 31 M
4  Articles
Chewing (Dick) Gum   4/11/2018

I was very young at that time, still in my teens. I was dating a girl and we agreed to a blowjob before moving onto actual sex. She was giving me a nice head and I was enjoying thoroughly as this was the first time I was receiving . She, at the same time was chewing a gum. When she took out my dick from her mouth there was this white substance on its head. She was feeling apologetic that she had ...


2 Comments, 105 Views, 52 Votes ,3.35 Score
Hangry33 49 M
2  Articles
How many dick pics should i post   3/14/2018

What is the ratio regular pics to dic picks that I should have ... like 3 regular pics to 1 dic pic or 3 dic pics to one regular pic <br><br> Also should I use my own dic ? Or a random dic on the internet ? Or a celebrity dic ? <br><br> Just trying to get it right !


3 Comments, 63 Views, 37 Votes ,3.66 Score
SparePrickBH 57 M
6  Articles
My friend's antics with crab potion   2/3/2018

This is an old tale but still makes me laugh when I'm reminded of it. <br><br> We were in our 20's and enjoying life as young lads do, including one drunken weekend of partying which included sharing a girl who kindly thanked us with a dose of crabs. <br><br> Apparently, he knew his previous landlady had a bottle of the cure and I drove him over to collect it. ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 47 Votes ,4.22 Score
msheidileann 39 F
1  Article
How would you feel if you had a fart sucked right. out of your butt?   12/15/2017

It has been some time since the incident, but I remember it like it just happened today and I am still in shock. <br><br> We were being hosted at a nicer Motel 6 than I had seen ever, it had to be a new construction. Be mindful that my fiance and I are still relatively new to the swing of things and myself even brand new. The whole idea of fucking other men in front of my fiance, ...


12 Comments, 239 Views, 91 Votes ,5.12 Score
DOM_Mann80 38 M
6  Articles
Does humor has priority for you in a relationship ?   11/17/2017

Does humor has priority for you in a relationship ?


3 Comments, 51 Views, 35 Votes ,5.26 Score
Me enamora ...   10/26/2017

Me enamora la gente que dice lo que piensa y que realmente piensa lo que dice <br><br> . Que no es fácil. La que defiende sus ideas y sus emociones, porque suyas y sinceras. <br><br> Pero sin imponerlas a los demás, sin juzgar a quien piensa diferente <br><br> y sin compararse con quien no las comparte.


2 Comments, 21 Views, 18 Votes ,2.99 Score
slicmike 31 M
1  Article
AWKWARD SITUATION   9/19/2017

I was with my chick at a bar when we met up with her ex husband's friend with his chick. I said hello to him and he said, 'Hey, ya gotta big dick?" I laughed at first and sat down. <br><br> He was one of those egotistical dudes that think there on top of the world because he has tattoos, motorcycle, and a good paying job. He looked like Ray Liotta from ...


5 Comments, 110 Views, 25 Votes ,3.68 Score
jr42468 52 M
24  Articles
you have to be funny   9/13/2017

i think that all relationships have to have a good sense of humor it lightens the mood sometimes when tensions are high


1 Comments, 34 Views, 17 Votes ,3.97 Score
stevong 41 M
3  Articles
Wolf of Pig   8/20/2017

[image1] The Three Little Pigs Once upon a time there were three little pigs. When they grew up, they left their parents to live their first winter by themselves. Autumn came and it began raining. The three little pigs started to feel they needed a real house to live in. They talked about how to build a house and prepare for the coming winter, but each decided ...


3 Comments, 72 Views, 20 Votes ,4.02 Score
freedom   8/14/2017

commitment = loss of freedom lol!!!


0 Comments, 22 Views, 18 Votes ,5.44 Score
freedom   7/4/2017

freedom compromises after commitment


0 Comments, 8 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Porn Is a Crucial Part of My Relationship   5/20/2017

I love porn. I'm not embarrassed to say it. I'm not picky about where I watch it. Sometimes I watch it in bed while my boyfriend's at home. Other times I watch it on our couch when I need a break from my three jobs and he is still at work. And my taste runs the gamut, though I tend to veer towards watching public sex and threesomes.

Oh, and maybe you caught this: I have a boyfriend. ...


1 Comments, 69 Views, 17 Votes ,4.12 Score
NaughtyNights125 29 M
1  Article
People who do not understand other people   4/30/2017

So I work with this guy who decided the best way for him to find the girl of his dreams is to try to meet someone, from another country, online. He had a picture of this girl he was talking to and was so happy... Only problem was when he showed me it was a picture of a pornstar. Aside from this she also claimed to be in South Africa, yeah that country known for being terrible, and needed money ...


2 Comments, 57 Views, 17 Votes ,2.84 Score
Magdalena69n 40 F
1  Article
Love Line   4/2/2017

Love line with Adam needs to come back so bad...guys you need to listen.


5 Comments, 68 Views, 38 Votes ,2.49 Score
Married or Single   3/25/2017

I was wondering what type of situation most women prefer here. When one is involved, do you prefer to find someone else who is also in a relationship or is preferable to find a single man. What do the single women here prefer. I like a drama free situation with someone fun and outgoing, but I am single and keep my options open.


5 Comments, 56 Views, 22 Votes ,4.57 Score
autopalm77 46 M
7  Articles
Haaaaachu....!!!!   11/17/2016

A woman constantly keeps sneezing and goes to see the doctor. She tells him, "Doctor, I constantly keep sneezing, and every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The doctor asks, "What are you doing for it?" The woman replies, "Sniffing pepper."


6 Comments, 88 Views, 27 Votes ,4.82 Score
MsCarlalee 56 T
9  Articles
who can you trust   11/8/2016

Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under ...


6 Comments, 268 Views, 25 Votes ,6.12 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
Drunk   9/30/2016

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town! Great Pussy!"

Everyone expects a fight, but the younger dude ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the old drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and ...


4 Comments, 128 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
BBCheadlover 49 M
2  Articles
false advertisment   9/21/2016

so awhile back i met a lady on Vivid Hookups and what caught my attention was that she said she loved to work out, but more importantly (at least for me lol) she loved giving head. so after a few weeks of getting to know each other, we were chatting one friday night. she had a date that was running late or maybe just blowing her off. i was home bored and jokely said if you need some replacement dick, i'm ...


5 Comments, 226 Views, 21 Votes ,4.12 Score
nicelifej 33 M
3  Articles
.zdfgjkldfklhb   9/4/2016

respect is the most important value in the relationship


1 Comments, 14 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
luv2liku698 58 M
1  Article
Tires made of pussy   8/21/2016

We were having a discussion at the bar one afternoon. This girl said, "If tires were made of pussy they would never wear out!". I told her that it wouldn't work. The whole world would then smell like fish!!


2 Comments, 55 Views, 16 Votes ,3.27 Score
BrightBlueEyes80 35 M
5  Articles
Why do people always say things that arent?   8/2/2016

Why do girls always say they dont want anything serious, then all of a sudden they want something serious? Why not just be straight up?


3 Comments, 37 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
wittyhumor 41 M
37  Articles
The Fickle Times We Live In.....   4/15/2016

"Nevermind what's being said to you! Then maybe you could learn to fuck better!"

That's what I said to her as I came in her mouth after, a less than par blowjob.....

"Didn't you learn anything from those porn flicks that you keep in your closet?!!"

I had asked her that before, and she hates it every time. She then says to me, that, she thought I loved her, and she ...


3 Comments, 92 Views, 12 Votes ,0.68 Score
wittyhumor 41 M
37  Articles
The case of my missing twix bars....   4/15/2016

The first time in total, and in my hands I left a little bit of a mess.....

It was just then, when, she was going through my emails that i have sent here and there.....

So, I said to her that it was just all in good fun, and yes I do online sex often....

She's so cute, and sweet, as well as, A's on my report card....

Yeah, it was not able to make a difference ...


0 Comments, 52 Views, 9 Votes ,2.36 Score
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Lessor of two evils   3/11/2016

"So let me get this straight, " the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man." "That's correct, " says the defendant. "At which time, " continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her." "That's correct, " says the defendant. "Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and the man ...


1 Comments, 220 Views, 23 Votes ,5.23 Score
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Make her scream...   3/11/2016

Hey guys... I figured out how you can make your girlfriend or wife or whatever scream during sex.. It's super easy and it works every time... All ya gotta do.. While you are having sex take your phone... and call your girl and tell her about it...


5 Comments, 112 Views, 17 Votes ,4.68 Score
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
WINNER WINNER WINNER   3/11/2016

So, a man asks his wife "If I won the lottery, what would you do?" His wife says, "Take half and leave you" The man smiles and says, "Good cuz I won 12 bux from the lottery today, heres 6 now get out"


0 Comments, 49 Views, 11 Votes ,4.66 Score
sexxxcrzd 32 C
9  Articles
Look how sexy my wife is...   2/6/2016

...That is all.

-Sexxxcrzd(m)


11 Comments, 174 Views, 26 Votes ,5.61 Score
jeweler47 72 M
8  Articles
seems like my friend is horny when he describes a Hostees cupcake   2/1/2016

We wre talking about a hostess cupcake and he gave me a review. This is what he wrote and below is the minor changes I made to it

Yes I did Not forget it...Now for my review. Cream center made by Hostess is second to none. The consistency of the white icing was perfect...not mushy, but firm. Overall the taste was terrific. Now I will have to buy them and keep them as part of my ...


0 Comments, 55 Views, 10 Votes ,3.39 Score
wickedcat2006 44 F
145  Articles
the vagina!!!   1/31/2016

The best engine in the world is the Vagina. It can be started with one finger, It is self lubricating, It takes any size piston, And it changes it's own oil every four weeks. It is only a pity that the management system is so fucking temperamental.....


6 Comments, 120 Views, 41 Votes ,7.16 Score
mostPHALLUSmous 44 M
10  Articles
...No love? Watch this!   1/5/2016

I once had a girl named Lorrie Who saw me as nugatory. Once bedded her friend and that was the end. Hers was one tough love story.


0 Comments, 22 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
rm_Nikkicandie1 26 C
0  Articles
its funny now not s much then   12/6/2015

nikki an myself was in bed and she says she has to pee.okay I thought get up and go like any sane person would do.well she for some reason got the idea to act like she was a and omg she pissed on me!!and I don't mean just a lil I mean straight full blast peed lol then says she was marking what belongs to her lol I couldn't be mad after that bc it was so funny and sweet at the same time yet she ...


5 Comments, 98 Views, 21 Votes ,2.14 Score
mrryan74 45 M
5  Articles
wife joke   10/30/2015

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't ...


14 Comments, 447 Views, 40 Votes ,6.83 Score
mrryan74 45 M
5  Articles
BBQ time   10/30/2015

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"


5 Comments, 222 Views, 22 Votes ,5.77 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
Always use condoms?   10/29/2015

Many will say YES! Let me state my case: 1st I was with the same partner for over 20 yr.s before she passed away. Last full physical showed No STDs & a sperm count so low, as to not exist. 2nd I have a reaction to latex [Rash] & little or no sensation. So, I ask if she can prove she is disease free - which I feel is being honest- and that for reasons stated I don't use condoms. Mostly, I get ...


2 Comments, 87 Views, 8 Votes ,1.86 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
Always use condoms?   10/29/2015

Many will say YES! Let me state my case: 1st I was with the same partner for over 20 yr.s before she passed away. Last full physical showed No STDs & a sperm count so low, as to not exist. 2nd I have a reaction to latex [Rash] & little or no sensation. So, I ask if she can prove she is disease free - which I feel is being honest- and that for reasons stated I don't use condoms. Mostly, I get ...


2 Comments, 46 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
ANOTHER POEM FOR THE MAG -= SAD, FUNNY & LAME   8/22/2015

LAMO

We met in a chat room General conversation Things get hot & heavy She is coming over for sex. ‘Can’t see you till after work Be there by 8 AM my dear.’

She had sent a photo From the neck to her waist To whet my appetite I guess She was lovely, bare big breasted.

Troubled sleep – toss & turn Big Yoda is throbbing My mind is in a whirl Putting a face & name ...


2 Comments, 75 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
Satyr48 70 M
8  Articles
Karma   8/20/2015

Two former female neighbors met in the Afterlife, after both suffering untimely deaths. Being surprised to see each other, they asked how they me their fates. One woman said she froze to death. "Oh, my goodness!" the other replied, "that's terrible" "Well; not SO bad" the other replied, "After a while the cold went away, and I drifted off into a warm sleep" The second woman said she died of a ...


1 Comments, 234 Views, 26 Votes ,5.40 Score
wittyhumor 41 M
37  Articles
I Forget Stuff Sometimes   8/15/2015

I looked up at my ceiling the other day and as I was laying there I saw what I thought to be a sliver of paint on it. I didn't pay it any attention but I noticed that it had some limbs. So obviously it's a bug. I grab the bug spray and down it goes. I quickly picked it up off the floor and flush it in the toilet. Moments later i get a knock at the door. So I quickly answer the door as I am ...


0 Comments, 215 Views, 13 Votes ,2.64 Score
MsCarlalee 56 T
9  Articles
The Successful    8/3/2015

Four men went golfing one day. Three of them went to the 1st tee while the other went to to the club house to pay the bill. The three men started bragging on their sons. The first man said "My is a successful home builder. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free. The second man said "My is such a good car salesman that he know owns a multi-line dealership. And because ...


4 Comments, 227 Views, 17 Votes ,5.67 Score
Otis_Good 67 M
17  Articles‚ Score 5.5
Listen up   7/15/2015

I was talking to my ex one day after sex and asked who is the best lover you ever had ? I was feeling pretty sure she was going to say me after the fancy fuck I just gave her but no . Yap yap yap she went on and on . I kind of stoped listening until I heard . And in the shower Rose said you might as well wash my back and ass a deal is a deal . What ? What deal ? I asked . Rose my second roommate ...


1 Comments, 298 Views, 15 Votes ,2.52 Score
wickedcat2006 44 F
145  Articles
gossipers!!!   6/15/2015

Mildred, the church gossiper and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused a new member, Henry, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of ...


4 Comments, 241 Views, 39 Votes ,6.82 Score
suryareddy004 20 M
1  Article
my first romance   5/28/2015

haii friends, this is my real experience in my life.once my Aunty's came to my house for spend her holidays.she was very beautiful and sexy.I loved her so much.one day night do small fighting between she and her mom.then she get nervous feeling. and she come to my bed beside of me.then time is gone.then I put my hand at her PUSSY.then she shifted her face beside of my face, and she give a small ...


0 Comments, 119 Views, 7 Votes ,2.28 Score
1HORNYOLDBUGGER2 54 M
3  Articles
Having sex with The King! Thank you.. Thank you very much...   4/15/2015

I have always found ways to make a girl bust up laughing; while we have sex.. Creative singing is one them.. I have a knack for turning something innocent; into something naughty..... For instance.. I heard an Elvis song while driving to a date. Latter when we were ready for a romp, I sang my dirty version. It went like this: Are you lonesome tonight?... ...


2 Comments, 94 Views, 11 Votes ,4.66 Score
dh1313h 35 M
3  Articles
For Fun   3/15/2015

A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she ...


3 Comments, 243 Views, 20 Votes ,4.53 Score
Kycre8iveman 56 M
0  Articles
My Date From Hell!   2/18/2015

Written by: KyCre8iveGuy

NOW THE STORY YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ, MAY SEEM TOTALLY WEIRD AND COMPLETELY CRAZY…BUT HAND OVER MY HEART…IT’S THE COMPLETE TRUTH!!

I met a young lady on a Transgendered website. She was 35-years-old, had long blonde, beautiful hair and the face and body of a Goddess. We chatted for a while on the website and through personal emails. Eventually, we ...


7 Comments, 297 Views, 39 Votes ,4.62 Score
rm_canwechat1 72 M
1  Article
IRONY   1/13/2015

Isn't it Ironic that this page is blank, can one surmise from that that there is nothing funny about sex? from my experience it can't be so, many a gut splitting laugh has come out of the absurd situation we sometimes find ourselves in in the pursuit of sex.


0 Comments, 34 Views, 7 Votes ,3.04 Score
HBandito 49 M
3  Articles
She's a spitter!!!   12/24/2014

One day me and a couple of girls I used to work with were sitting in a training area at work. This place was towards the far back of the building so it got little traffic and only two trainers were assigned to the area. The main trainer was gone for awhile so the other a good friend of mine was the other. The other woman was ten years older then us but liked hanging out with us because we partied ...


2 Comments, 335 Views, 24 Votes ,4.27 Score
SingleNFree31 45 M
10  Articles
Romantic   12/2/2014

"I could stay awake just to hear you breathing...Watch you smile while you're sleeping..." Aerosmith = Romantic Me = Restraining Order


2 Comments, 44 Views, 10 Votes ,2.59 Score
maximil_power 33 M
1  Article
A Realization After Sex   11/13/2014

So the encounter began as hot and passionate as ever! She started unbuttoning my shirt, but had to raise her arms so I could throw HER shirt off! She must have thought, forget the buttons, and tried to pull mine over my head too!

We were tearing each other's clothes off like they were on fire!

She went for my belt, I went for her bra, and after struggling like I was trying to ...


3 Comments, 230 Views, 18 Votes ,3.26 Score
rm_goodsxwithu 53 C
10  Articles
Funny   11/12/2014

Have you ever gotten rug burns from having sex on a carpet? There's nothing funny about it the next morning.


14 Comments, 130 Views, 28 Votes ,5.19 Score
kimdan4fun 36 C
10  Articles
Testimonials   11/7/2014

If you get one do you always allow it to show up on your profile or do you sometimes hide them?


4 Comments, 67 Views, 14 Votes ,3.30 Score
prettyinpink838 35 C
6  Articles
Going   10/31/2014

Funny how the longer you know someone the more you get use to seeing them going to the bathroom and how little it matters.


9 Comments, 126 Views, 24 Votes ,6.20 Score
rm_3xthefun99 32 C
4  Articles
Humor   10/21/2014

We think it's really funny how many guys want us to watch them jerk off on cam. Do they really think that's what people on here want to see? Oh and just an added note for those of you that think a woman is watching you on all those couple profiles. It isn't.


8 Comments, 89 Views, 18 Votes ,4.49 Score
nosinglemenever 28 F
3  Articles
Funny?   10/15/2014

If you write me and ask to fuck, suck or perform any other sex act with you before we've had a chance to chat first then I'll know you're just being funny.


4 Comments, 106 Views, 25 Votes ,6.56 Score
Lost_Cause_69 51 M
6  Articles
Hard Liquor...   9/20/2014

Two female co-workers are chatting it up, and they are discussing the boyfriends they’ve had in the last year. One girl says "The last 3 boyfriends I’ve had, I’ve named after soda pops. The first one i called 7up, because he had 7 inches and he knew how to keep it up. The second one i called mountain dew, because when it came to mounting he knew what to do. The third i called Jack Daniels." ...


4 Comments, 276 Views, 24 Votes ,6.65 Score
Lost_Cause_69 51 M
6  Articles
Lunch would be ready......   9/15/2014

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?" Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams...and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works. He covers a ...


2 Comments, 245 Views, 21 Votes ,6.84 Score
Lost_Cause_69 51 M
6  Articles
Three kinds of each...   9/6/2014

A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, , a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?" the asks. "Yes. You see them and they make you cry." This ...


3 Comments, 157 Views, 20 Votes ,4.91 Score
Memorable moments   8/17/2014

Do you have anything happen that was so funny you will never forget that moment?


1 Comments, 40 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
vazzaam1 37 M
7  Articles
bar joke   7/19/2014

A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I just found out my oldest is gay."

The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest is gay, too!"

On ...


6 Comments, 342 Views, 24 Votes ,6.65 Score
GGnCerb 51 C
1  Article
Joke...   6/27/2014

How do you know you just had a good blow job?

- When she gives you a blow job she sucks the sheets up your ass.

Now how do you know the woman that just gave you that blow job is a good girl?

- She pulls the sheets back out for you.


4 Comments, 88 Views, 25 Votes ,3.91 Score
SIR   4/30/2014



A


1 Comments, 59 Views, 6 Votes ,1.66 Score
thislustfulmind 41 M
28  Articles
Fun Facts about the Great Vagina   4/28/2014

Fun Facts about the Great Vagina


5 Comments, 260 Views, 26 Votes ,7.02 Score
thislustfulmind 41 M
28  Articles
Interesting facts about the Penis   4/28/2014

Interesting facts about the Penis


4 Comments, 176 Views, 23 Votes ,7.45 Score
rm_rituraj510 28 M
12  Articles
Getting rid of Ex   4/4/2014

An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there’s a lamp. He picks it up, and as he starts to rub the dirt off of it, a genie comes out of the lamp and says, “I want to know the person you hate the most.” The explorer says, “That’s gotta be my ex-wife. Why?” “I am a cursed genie. I will grant you three wishes, but whatever you wish ...


2 Comments, 284 Views, 17 Votes ,5.39 Score
rm_rituraj510 28 M
12  Articles
how are people born?   4/4/2014

A asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about ...


3 Comments, 171 Views, 11 Votes ,4.85 Score
Islandman209 47 M
6  Articles
what women would do if they had a penis for a day   3/4/2014

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a blow job.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch yourself in public ...


3 Comments, 87 Views, 11 Votes ,5.04 Score
Islandman209 47 M
6  Articles
WHAT MEN WOULD DO IF THEY HAD A VAGINA FOR A DAY   3/4/2014

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing ...


1 Comments, 63 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
Islandman209 47 M
6  Articles
25 Secrets Girls Have To Know About Guys   3/4/2014

. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

2. Guys hate flirts.

3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.

5. "Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the first usual ...


1 Comments, 67 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Islandman209 47 M
6  Articles
long distance   2/23/2014

How To Have A Long Distance Relationship VideoJug is here to help if geography is getting in the way of you and your loved one. Follow our guide on how to have a long distance relationship, and keep your relationship alive despite where you are in the world.



Step 1: Talk it through

You need to discuss your expectations of the relationship once you are apart, and set ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
LIKESTOLICKMOORE 46 M
23  Articles
If You Use Handcuffs, Always Keep a Spare Key Handy   2/1/2014

I've even got a better idea, make sure you have one key on a string, around your wrist before you play, and have a spare on your key ring.

The reason? My two best friends, Ted and Bobbi and I play around quite a bit. Sometimes I go to their house for MFM threesome, sometimes they come over to my house to have a mfmf party with Debbie and me.

And sometimes, Ted and Bobbi just get ...


1 Comments, 172 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
hysteroyster 33 F
2  Articles
Foodie   1/27/2014

Urban Dictionary defines foodie as: a douchebag who likes food; though the terms "gastronome" and "epicure" define the same thing.

I don't remember being an asshole due to my foodism, I have however perceived others as such when my desire for certain foods or eateries were denied.

...which I guess does indeed make me a douchebag.

But who could resist the succulent steak ...


0 Comments, 41 Views, 8 Votes ,2.78 Score
annie444u 52 C
135  Articles
What Annie didn't tell you..............   1/23/2014

....was that before she rolled the damn can of Crème of Mushroom soup perfectly under my right foot was:

1. the fact that we have wood floors and they had just been polished.

2. I was wearing socks, not shoes at the time of impact.

3. She had just opened the cupboard above me slamming me in the head with the bottom corner of the oak cabinet

4. That ...


3 Comments, 100 Views, 10 Votes ,3.19 Score
annie444u 52 C
135  Articles
Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen Ruin the Meal (er, uh, ruin one's head)   1/23/2014

My husband Danny is an excellent chef. If it can be grilled, he can grille it like no one's ever grilled meat before. If it can be broiled, he can broil it to perfection. He can bake, fry, you name it.

However, sometimes we'll have guests coming over for a big dinner and he needs help in the kitchen....that's where I come in...or at least I used to.

He gave me a list of ...


4 Comments, 156 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
solidsingh2 29 M
6  Articles
SPECIAL YESTERDAY BUT UNWANTED TODAY   11/30/2013

DO U KNOW WHAT HURTS THE MOST.........?

ITS WHEN SOMEONE MADE U FEEL VERY VERY SPECIAL YESTERDAY....................................................................................................................................................BUT....................................................................................MADE U FEEL THAT U R THE MOST UNWANTED PERSON TODAY.....!! ...


1 Comments, 58 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
jaipurcouple1979 41 C
3  Articles
Glitter and Sparkles   10/1/2013



I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any ...



3 Comments, 278 Views, 15 Votes ,5.73 Score
jaipurcouple1979 41 C
3  Articles
Glitter and Sparkles   10/1/2013



I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any ...



2 Comments, 99 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
TomRakewell 31 M
10  Articles
Flakes.   9/18/2013

Tell your funniest flake story!


0 Comments, 55 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
Badtrev 39 M
9  Articles
On being discreet...   9/9/2013

I cannot speak for everyone, but in the case of my wife and I discretion is an absolute non-negotiable must. Her work is sensitive to anything that may be conveyed as "alternative" and my work is very publicly oriented where I talk to hundreds of different people a week. On top of that we're also involved in the community and have a lot of friends who might not be ready to understand. So we ...


2 Comments, 161 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
LTSwing69 51 C
2  Articles
Greener Grass   9/7/2013

Being that my husband was born and raised his whole life here in this small County He is pretty well known and knows most other locals that have been born and raised here. Its safe to say that when we meet new people If its through a mutual friend , they have already been pre warned or pre schooled that we are freaks. They don't know what to expect and though they all at one time or another ...


3 Comments, 282 Views, 15 Votes ,3.28 Score
bostonguy27yo 32 M
1  Article
Ever Fart by accident while getting blowjob?   8/11/2013

haha


1 Comments, 64 Views, 6 Votes ,1.37 Score
OneMikeHancho 37 M
2  Articles
Say it isn't so!   7/26/2013

A hysterical woman came into the ER. She'd just had a fight with her boyfriend while sitting in his parked car. She said she had gotten so mad at him that she pulled the key out of the ignition and put it in her vagina so he couldn't drive home! Now she couldn't locate the key to get it out. I couldn't find it either, so we concluded that it must have fallen out ...


3 Comments, 363 Views, 13 Votes ,2.81 Score
OneMikeHancho 37 M
2  Articles
Maybe you?   7/26/2013

"One night, a gurney rolled in carrying a woman in black lingerie-who happened to be straddling a naked man. They told us that they had been doing a lot of drugs and having wild sex when the woman's vagina cramped up and the guy couldn't pull out. The doctor on duty gave her muscle relaxants, and after several minutes, they were able to separate. Then they were promptly ...


2 Comments, 323 Views, 10 Votes ,4.58 Score
annie444u 52 C
135  Articles
I want to know why the sexually frustrated, sexually depraved women go for my Danny   3/16/2013

Are there any other guys out there that get hit on by divorced, sexually depraved, sexually frustrated women like my Danny does.

I swear the boy must have the record for banging girls that are divorced and who haven't had sex with anyone since they split with their husbands.

Danny can relate story after story to me about how these women, many of them cougars, seduce him and, ...


2 Comments, 354 Views, 22 Votes ,3.49 Score
annie444u 52 C
135  Articles
Using One Friend to Make Another Girl Jealous, I Instead Made Them Into Lovers   2/2/2013

Sometimes our best ideas become our worst nightmares.....

Sometimes what seems like a good idea one minute comes back to bite us in the ass the very next second.

By using Diane, my best bi-sexual friend and lover to get Katie jealous, I instead turned them into lovers.

Katie never really left Earl, she remained married to him for years, but Katie made love to Diane ...


1 Comments, 269 Views, 20 Votes ,4.66 Score
Funny only now, many years later   8/11/2012

I'm in college and pick out this good looking freshman during orientation.

That night I'm munching away on a her and suddenly get a string in my mouth.

Yep, you guessed it.

So I stop, grab a quick, long swig from the beer bottle and ask her if she's on the the rag.

Comes out no boyfriend had ever eating her before and she didn't realize there was anything ...


4 Comments, 273 Views, 12 Votes ,3.51 Score
dnafun11 45 C
15  Articles
Who knew...   7/5/2012

When we got active in swinging we knew that there could be some drama involved. We do a pretty good job of avoiding it.

We expected it to come from the ladies. I mean speaking as a lady myself, I know that more than a few of the fairer sex seem to need a certain level of drama. And lets face facts we have all seen the couples where she swings to keep her man happy but is not really into ...


1 Comments, 303 Views, 17 Votes ,3.27 Score
c6love 32 M
26  Articles
humor   7/3/2012

so has anyone been farted on during sex. not a sex fart but an actual fart. it has happened to me numerous times. i almost burst out in laughter each time. is this normal for girls to fart during sex


9 Comments, 130 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
nobody328 26 M
23  Articles
IMPORTANT   5/30/2012

HUMOR IN RELATIONSHIP IS IMPORTANT AND ADVISABLE


3 Comments, 55 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Dirty_Pinguin 32 M
3  Articles
Humor and Attraction : who likes jokers ??   2/24/2012

Have you heard the one about the relationship scientist who walks into a bar with a journal under one arm and a duck under the other? Never mind...it wasn’t very funny to begin with. If that's the only joke you know, will your lackluster sense of humor hurt you when it comes to attracting a romantic partner? It turns out that the use and importance of humor differs between men and women in ...


1 Comments, 35 Views, 1 Votes
nvrgetsenuf 50 F
11  Articles
First Date Fuck-Ups, episode 2   2/7/2012

I met Jose (not his real name, to protect the guilty), while I was pumping gas & he was cleaning the canopy over the gas pumps. He would splash a little water to make me think it had started sprinkling. He did this twice before I looked up to see him. He then asked if I would like to go to a movie Friday. He was very good looking so I answered yes. He told me where his second job is, what time he ...


2 Comments, 523 Views, 24 Votes ,4.61 Score
rm_sexspice40 49 F
6  Articles
april fool   1/30/2012

you walk into a room and find your lover and your best friend under the sheets both naked. when they see you, they both scream april fool. you look at the calender and realise its april 1st. what would you do.


4 Comments, 371 Views, 15 Votes ,3.28 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Ed the Chicken !   1/4/2012

Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.'

Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a ...


4 Comments, 372 Views, 16 Votes ,3.42 Score
rm_Toyboyj624 26 M
11  Articles
Laughter in bed   11/17/2011

Sex is the major component of a relationship and so aslong as you maintain it you maintain your relationship.alot of humour can be brought out of sex if you look deep enuf, your partners body is a store of humour that you can use, just make a sexy seductive joke abouts yours or their body and see how fast the laughter will lead you two to the bedroom.have some naughty humour in your relationship ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
kinkycplincanon 48 C
5  Articles
her,or so she says   10/9/2011

watching wife having her first girl/girl 69 in the back of our Subaru wagon . Let me set the story:i had hooked up my buddy with this girl who was staying with shannon and i.a mutual friend brought her over, asking if she could stay a few weeks. she was a tall redhead , kinda thick (in a good way)green eyes big full lips , sexy as hell and was very open about her bi-sexuality a true ...


6 Comments, 570 Views, 39 Votes ,4.62 Score
xplodeu 48 M
3  Articles
Pitfalls vs Pussies?   8/23/2011

I'm just curious to know what women prefer in bed. I'm sure if your sitting at home right now with the moggy on your lap your gonna say pussy right? But if you had put pussy to bed 5 min ago, and walked into your bedroom, What would you be expecting to find?

A bottle of wine and chocolate, a whip or other? I understand everyone here states their preferences, but I'm seeking here ...


2 Comments, 122 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
takemeasiam74 43 M
10  Articles
humor   8/13/2011

we all need to laugh and humor can help us all relax, sexually it is v important


1 Comments, 44 Views, 7 Votes ,2.02 Score
XG35 50 M
4  Articles
Bra Sizes   7/27/2011

Have u ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the Letters used to define bra sizes? But couldn't figure out what the letters stood for. Well its time you became informed! (A) Almost tits. ( Barely there. (C) Can't Complain! (D) Damn! (DD) Double Damn! (E) Enormous! (F) Fake. (G) Get a Reduction. (H )Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!




7 Comments, 513 Views, 36 Votes ,4.45 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Noble King Arthur   6/29/2011

King Arthur

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to ...


2 Comments, 289 Views, 12 Votes ,6.16 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Like a Tiger   6/29/2011

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That’s no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I’ve been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger ...


1 Comments, 384 Views, 11 Votes ,3.35 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
The Old Farmer   6/29/2011

The old farmer sat rocking on the front porch as he talked to the stranger. "Been thirty years since I lost my wife in these woods."

"Oh, I’m sorry, " the stranger said, "It must have been hard to lose your wife like that."

"Hard?" the farmer snorted, "Was damn near impossible! She knew those woods like the back of her hand!"


1 Comments, 381 Views, 9 Votes ,3.64 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the Big Game Hunter   6/23/2011

The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and none could dispute that. But then he said they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal’s skin from it’s feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber bullet it was that killed the animal.

The hunter said ...


1 Comments, 259 Views, 10 Votes ,3.98 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Piece of Cake   6/23/2011

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'm gonna go play in my room for a couple of hours. I sure would like a piece of cake after though!

Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Wow!, it worked!"

Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"

Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in ...


1 Comments, 298 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Sex at Seven   6/23/2011

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking redheaded lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you ...


1 Comments, 256 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Two Friends   6/23/2011

Two friends, a blonde and a brunette, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.

She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again...for no reason."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What’s the big deal, don’t you like getting flowers?"

The brunette says, "Oh ...


2 Comments, 315 Views, 10 Votes ,4.78 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
"Joys of Parenting "   6/22/2011

A Woman's Experience With

For those who already have past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have this age, this is not funny. For those who have nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had , this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous mother.

Things I've learned from my (honest & no kidding):

1. A king size ...


3 Comments, 275 Views, 12 Votes ,5.63 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Women   6/22/2011

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. --Charlotte Whitton

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone. --Lenny Bruce

I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine. --Mel ...


1 Comments, 154 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Vacation   6/22/2011

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; his wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a nap.

The wife, to escape her snoring husband, decided to take the boat out. Since she was not familiar with the lake, she rowed out to the middle, anchored the boat, and started ...


1 Comments, 278 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
southernman5051 57 M
6  Articles
Starting a fight   6/5/2011

A wife and her husband were watching "Who wants to be a millionaire"while they were in bed.Husband turns to the wife and said Do you want to have sex?"NO" she answered.He then turns and ask, Is that your final answer? THis time without even looking at him simply reply "YES" So then husband turns and said ok I like to phone a friend" THen the fight started.


1 Comments, 417 Views, 17 Votes ,2.42 Score
coolwinterclass 52 M
5  Articles
booted out   6/3/2011

A husband and his wife had a very bad argument.He left and went to the bar. when he home three sheets to the wind. He saw that all his clothes and tools were lying in the front yard. When seeing this through blurry eyes he stormed in the house and confronted wife."Bitch I know your leaving but you sure in hell are not taking my stuff with you"


2 Comments, 370 Views, 12 Votes ,3.68 Score
DinaTv1 47 T
5  Articles
A Shot In The Dark....   3/30/2011

When i was younger i used to go out with a rock chick who liked the fantasy so we used to get stoned and go into the park by me at about 2 in the morning.

I would wait in the bushes, jump out, rip her clothes off and fuck her on the grass.

One saturday night we were shagging in me flat, when she said lets go into the park, so off we went.It was about 12 when we went out. ...


0 Comments, 28 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Infidelity Discovered   3/14/2011

A man was having an affair with another woman and his wife found out about it, so she told him "If you don't end it now I'm gonna go downtown to the post office where you work and tell everyone I see that you're a no good cheating filthy bum."

The husband replied "You're gonna go downtown to the post office where I work and tell everyone you see that I'm a no good cheating filthy bum?" ...


3 Comments, 442 Views, 19 Votes ,2.46 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
The Garden of Eden   3/14/2011

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of ...


4 Comments, 274 Views, 12 Votes ,3.33 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Magic Frog   3/14/2011

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will ...


3 Comments, 239 Views, 9 Votes ,5.56 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
My Wife and I Were Happy For Twenty Years.......   3/7/2011

My wife and I were happy for twenty years...then we met.

. I just got back from a pleasure trip - I drove my wife to the airport

. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice

. One woman says to another, "Isn't your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other woman ...


1 Comments, 285 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the King   3/7/2011

The king was waving to his loyal subjects from the steps of the palace when he spotted a beggar in the crowd who looked, beneath the dirt and rags, amazingly like his royal self. He had a guard bring the beggar to him and the crowd was likewise struck by the remarkable resemblance. The king was amused, for he knew that the king before him had a well-deserved reputation as a ladies' man, as did he ...


1 Comments, 171 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Free Tattoo   3/7/2011

A man walks into a tattoo parlor and says he would like a $100 dollar bill on his dick. Well the tattoo artist laughs and says "I'll do it for free if you can give me one good reason for it."

The guy thinks for a second and says. "Well one, I like to keep my money in my pants, two I like to watch my money grow, and three I want to see how fast my wife can blow a $100.


1 Comments, 201 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Just Try to be Strong   3/7/2011

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an ...


2 Comments, 224 Views, 12 Votes ,5.63 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Off to Hawaii   3/7/2011

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but were never able to save any money to do so. One day they came up with an idea--each time they had sex, they would put $20.00 bill into a piggy bank.

They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year. After that time, they decided that there was enough money for their ...


1 Comments, 144 Views, 0 Votes
rm_manz634 33 M
5  Articles
'reyan George" captured!   2/25/2011

recently i had the rare learning opportunity to deal with a professional con artist on Vivid Hookups.com. I received a email from a lady naming herself reyan George who only had one photo on her account. she quickly started with a story about how she was looking for love and cherished love etc. right away i knew something was up because it seemed like it was a letter that was sent to ...


0 Comments, 150 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Mrs. Boudreaux   2/25/2011

One night, a torrential rain soaked Southern Louisiana; the next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes there.

Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs.Thibodeaux, waiting for help to come. Mrs. Thibodeaux noticed a baseball cap, floating near the house.

Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float back ...


3 Comments, 181 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Abstinance   2/18/2011

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the final couple was newlywed.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it ...


1 Comments, 172 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Sexual Desire Enhancement   2/18/2011

Doc, you've gotta help me... my wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?" "Look, I can't prescribe..." "Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to Hell! You've got to help me." The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of ...


3 Comments, 180 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
His and Her Diary   2/17/2011

Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him ...


3 Comments, 179 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
reincarnation   2/16/2011

Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. “Who the hell are you?” Demanded Jason, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”. ...


1 Comments, 151 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the Portrait   2/14/2011

Mrs. Johnson decided to have her own portrait painted by a very famous artist. She told the artist, "Paint me with 3-carat diamond earrings, a large diamond necklace, glimmering emerald bracelets, and a beautiful red ruby pendant." "But ma'am, you are not wearing any of those things." "I know, " said Mrs. Johnson. "My health is not good, and my husband is having an affair with his secretary. When ...


2 Comments, 122 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the Farmer and His Wife   2/6/2011

A farmer is lying in bed with his wife when he turns to her grabs her tits and says "Honey if you could get milk out of these we could sell the cow". Then he grabs her pussy and says "Honey if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens". She turns to him smiles, grabs his dick and says "Honey if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother


2 Comments, 220 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the Bus Ride   1/27/2011

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.


1 Comments, 140 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the in-laws   1/25/2011

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep, " the wife replied, "in-laws."


2 Comments, 172 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
dont do it !   1/23/2011

A blonde who suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds him naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she’s angry. She opens her purse and takes out the gun. But as she does so, she is overcome with grief and points the gun at her own head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do ...


1 Comments, 175 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Pizza Pizza   1/22/2011

My wife, on her way home, picked up a $5 pizza for dinner. As we are eating it she fell on the floor and started having convulsions. I grabbed and fumbled with the phone as I called the 911 dispatch. As I knelt and attended to her the paramedic unit arrived and started checking her out. They told me not to be worried and that everything would be fine. She was just having "Little Seizures."


1 Comments, 171 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the bank hostages   1/22/2011

This guy robs a bank and takes hostages.

He asks one of the hostage, "Did you see me rob the bank?"

The hostage answers, "Yes."

The crook, promptly shoots him.

Then he asks the another hostage the same question, "Did you see me rob the bank?"

The hostage answers, "No, but my wife over there did."


1 Comments, 125 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the sex talk   1/16/2011

In a small town, an elderly couple had been dating each other for a long time.

At the urging of their friends, they decided it was finally time for marriage.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided ...


1 Comments, 152 Views, 8 Votes ,2.55 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the beer drinker   1/16/2011

A man walks in the door after a day at the office to find his wife crying at the kitchen table. Whats wrong? he asks.

I went to the store today, and a horrible man looked up my skirt. He said, ˜Id like to fill that with beer and drink it, she sobs. I wish youd been there to kick his ass.

Listen, honey, Ive repeatedly told you to wear panties every day,  replies the husband. ...


2 Comments, 186 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
at dinner   1/16/2011

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another order at a table a few paces away) suddenly noticed that the man was slowing sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman dining ...


1 Comments, 139 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
show me the money   1/16/2011

A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't be on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first ...


1 Comments, 107 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
7_inches_4_u916 26 M
8  Articles
first time swallowing   1/8/2011

ill never forget the time i had this hot girl swallow for me. the look on her face was priceless. so innocent but so confused LOL.


0 Comments, 181 Views, 0 Votes
Cruelhammer 58 M
8  Articles
Size Doesn't Matter   1/1/2011

A couple had been dating for about a month, but the guy was afraid to make any sexual advances because of his tiny organ.

Finally one evening, he gets up his courage, and takes her to lovers' lane. While they are making out, he opens his zipper and places her hand on his penis.

"Stop! How dare you!" the girl says. "You know I don't smoke."


1 Comments, 304 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
marriage proposal   12/27/2010

When asked if there was anything they would have changed about one of the most romantic moments of their lives, several women said a 'bigger diamond!'

54% of men still get down on one knee. 44% of men ask their partner's father for permission to marry. 57% of men cry when she said yes. 65% of women say he could have put more effort and preparation into the proposal. 25% of couples wait ...


1 Comments, 128 Views, 7 Votes ,1.51 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
New Years Eve Dream   12/26/2010

Janice was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'

'Aha, you'll know tonight, ' answered Max smiling broadly.

At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Janice and handed her small ...


1 Comments, 132 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
New Years Eve Party   12/26/2010

Trevor's New Year's Eve party was an annual occurrence with numerous guests arriving. During the evening, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to where the drinks were, in the kitchen. He sat there happily, chatting away, for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face. 'You know, ' he confided to Trevor, 'I wasn't even ...


2 Comments, 133 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the Maple Leaf   12/24/2010

After being escorted to the witness box and sworn in, the little old man was asked by the lawyer to explain what had happened. He described the events that led up to the incident and finally got to the main issue of the case, saying, "..and that's when she hit me with a maple leaf!"

"Surely that couldn't have inflicted any serious injury on you, sir, " the lawyer said.

"Are you ...


1 Comments, 116 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Who Makes the Coffee   12/24/2010

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "You're in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that's your job. I can just wait for my coffee."

The wife replied, "No ...


2 Comments, 131 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Tom and Linda   12/24/2010

Tom was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge.

He turned to his wife Linda, with a look of question on his face.

"I'll never understand why the biggest shmucks get the ...


1 Comments, 111 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Night of the black strap on !   12/18/2010

I picked up this 6 ft tall knockout of a brunette back in the late 70's in a disco one mild winter night. She lived in a two story apartment townhouse with her bedroom upstairs. Just as sweet as she could be seemed like. Was always licking her lips like Cher.

After we had sex (and it was great too) she went into her bathroom and came out wearing a big black strap on dick that looked ...


4 Comments, 280 Views, 15 Votes ,3.13 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
Larry asnd Susan   12/17/2010

The barn at Larry and Susan's farm burned down, and Susan called the insurance company. Susan: "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." Agent: "Wait just a minute, Susan... it doesn't work quite like that. We will determine the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." Susan, after a pause: "I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband"


1 Comments, 166 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
mzphatphat 28 F
6  Articles
well get this   12/16/2010

ok well me and a "friend" waz you know doing the dam thing when he went down on me and boy was it feeling good till he stoped and said as he grabed my lips and said im the pussy monster and i have come to invade the town of penis! got to love him!


3 Comments, 184 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the state trooper   12/16/2010

An 85-year old husband and wife decide to take a road trip. She drives because she can see and he rides because he can hear.

After traveling for a while, they get pulled over by a State Trooper. She rolls down her window and the cop says "I need to see your drivers license and vehicle registration please." The woman turns to her husband and shouts "WHAT DID HE SAY?" The husband replies, ...


2 Comments, 162 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
The Hammer   12/16/2010

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard." The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You God-damned bastard." The judge stops, and says to the guy in the back of the ...


1 Comments, 147 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the funeral service   12/16/2010

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan! They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!

She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, ...


1 Comments, 128 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
newlywed farm couple   12/15/2010

A young farmer is newly married and the couple can't get enough of it. Just before leaving the house for the fields at down, they tear off a piece, and when he returns home at evening they have another go, before and after supper, and maybe a couple more during the night. The problem is during the day: the fields are a long way from the house, and the young man loses so much time traveling home ...


1 Comments, 130 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
one fall day   12/14/2010

One Fall day, Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse, was a second hearse which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife, " the man replied. "I'm sorry, " ...


1 Comments, 111 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Internet connection !   12/14/2010

There was this young man, on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. It was wonderful, the experience of his life. But, it did not last. A Hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down almost instantly.

The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. The man looked around. There were some bananas and ...


5 Comments, 117 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Doctor ! Doctor !   12/14/2010

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I am a set of curtains! Pull yourself together, man!

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a bell. Well, just go home and if the feeling persists, give me a ring.

Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow. Don't let people push you around.

Sigmund Freud by Deddi Shy Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible. Who said that?! ...


1 Comments, 63 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
senior citizen romance   12/13/2010

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you use to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached ...


1 Comments, 94 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
New Panties !   12/3/2010

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in order to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs enough times till her husband says, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"

"Y-e-e-s-s-s, " she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God for ...


4 Comments, 146 Views, 8 Votes ,2.55 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the card game   12/3/2010

Boudreau, Thibodeau, Pierre, Trusclair, and Old Man John were playing cards in the back room at Pierre’s Bar. Suddenly Old Man John grabbed his chest, groaned, and fell over dead.

Everybody was upset but nobody wanted to be the one to tell John’s wife Jean... Finally Boudreau accepted the task.

“You gotta break it to her gently. We don’t want Miss Jean to think we had ...


2 Comments, 81 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
used parrot   12/3/2010

Mary decided to surprise her husband Boudreau with a parrot for his birthday. At the local pet store, the one parrot available was priced at $29.95.

“Why so inexpensive?” she asked the pet store owner.

“Well, he used to live in a house of and sometimes says vulgar things.”

Since Boudreau’s birthday was the next day, she went ahead and bought the bird. ...


3 Comments, 93 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
hearing test   12/3/2010

One day Boudreau went to the doctor to get a check up. Boudreau says to the doctor, “Mais you know something doc ... my wife Clotile, she’s having trouble wit her hearing.”

De doc say, “Well Boudreau, how bad is it?”

“Mais doc I don’t know how bad it really is but she don’t seem to hear me at all. Whats de best way to find out how bad her hearing is?”

...


1 Comments, 62 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Grandma's pies !   12/2/2010

Granny made such beautiful pies.

So one day I asked her, "How do you get such beautiful pies with the crimps around the edges so even?"

She said, "It's a family secret. So promise not to tell. I roll out the dough, and I cut out a bottom layer and carefully put it in a pie plate. Then I slowly pour the filling, making sure it's not too full. Next I cut a top layer and put it ...


5 Comments, 176 Views, 12 Votes ,2.62 Score
Ababix3 32 M
8  Articles
Saving someone's picture as a screensaver   11/28/2010

If someone you've only known for a few months saves your picture as their desktop background, is that funny or downright creepy?


1 Comments, 81 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the married mans confession   11/23/2010

A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "Father, I had an affair with a woman... almost."

"What do you mean almost?" questions the priest.

"Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

"Rubbing together is the same as putting it in, " explains the priest. "You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 ...


1 Comments, 127 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
25th wedding anniversary   11/16/2010

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you ...


1 Comments, 131 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the truck driver   11/16/2010

A truck driver was going down a steep incline when, at the foot of the hill, he was able to make out a couple having sex in the middle of the road. Five times on his descent he sounded his horn, but they didn't move. He finally brought the truck' to a halt inches from them. The truck driver got out and stormed: "What the hell's the matter with you two?.Didn't you hear me? You could have been ...


1 Comments, 112 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
over seas vacation   11/16/2010

With his wife away on an overseas trip, a guy decided to take his secretary back to his house for an evening of passion. They were rolling around on the bed when he suddenly remembered he didn't have any condoms. I "What are we gonna do?" he said. "I don't know, " answered the secretary. "I don't have any either." Just then he hit upon an idea. "Hey'" he yelled exultantly. "No problem. I know ...


1 Comments, 115 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
a day to live....   11/16/2010

A middle-aged man was told at the hospital that he had only 24 hours to live. He went home in a state of shock and fell into his wife's arms. "I've been told I've only got 24 hours to live, " he said. "Can we have sex one last time?" "Of course, honey, " she said, and they went to bed. Four hours later, he turned to her and said: "Could we have sex again? I've only '" got 20 hours to live. It ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
using vaseline....   11/16/2010

A male market researcher was calling on homes on behalf of Vaseline. A woman answered the door."Do you use Vaseline?" asked the researcher. "Certainly, " she said. "It's very good for cuts, grazes and burns." "And what about anything else?" he asked. "Like what?" He became embarrassed. "Well, sex, maybe." Oh, of course." she said. "I smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep my husband out."


1 Comments, 105 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
dirty 4 letter words.....   11/5/2010

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon.

When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

"Well, " said her mother, "how was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mama, " she replied, "the honeymoon as wonderful! So romantic..."

Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language - things I'd ...


2 Comments, 147 Views, 8 Votes ,1.62 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the fishing trip   11/4/2010

Four married guys went fishing. After an hour or so, the following conversation took place: First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: "That's nothing! I had to promise my wife I'd build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man, you both ...


1 Comments, 115 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
devotion   11/4/2010

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times...When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you ...


2 Comments, 100 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the octopus   11/4/2010

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He sets the octopus on a stool next to him and announces: "This is an amazing octopus. I'll bet anyone in this bar $50 that this octopus can play any instrument set in front of it."

None of the people could believe this, so one guy brought up a guitar. The octopus took hold of the guitar and started picking away, better than Jimi ...


1 Comments, 74 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
surgical procedure   10/16/2010

An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his , a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his . "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, ; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me . your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."


1 Comments, 129 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
evolution   10/15/2010

A little girl asked her father, "How did the human race come about?"

The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had and so all mankind was made."

Two days later she asks her mother the same question.

The mother answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."

The confused girl returns to her father and says: "Dad, how is it ...


1 Comments, 110 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
she was framed !   10/14/2010

A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away. His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet, and got the seat stuck to her rear. She was understandably distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her to the doctor. She put a large overcoat on to cover the seat before they went.

When they got to the doctor's office, the man lifted his wife's coat to ...


3 Comments, 114 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
she was framed !   10/14/2010

A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away. His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet, and got the seat stuck to her rear. She was understandably distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her to the doctor. She put a large overcoat on to cover the seat before they went.

When they got to the doctor's office, the man lifted his wife's coat to ...


1 Comments, 27 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
a lil honey   10/14/2010

A man was invited to a friend's home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her Honey, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, and so forth. He was impressed at this, since the couple had been married over 50 years.

While the wife was in the kitchen, he said, "I think it's wonderful that after all these years you still call your ...


1 Comments, 92 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_keystonewest 68 M
9  Articles
where in the states do people have sex more often?   10/1/2010

There are people that will say out west they have to most sex because of the nice beaches.then their are people that will say no the state that have the coldest weather have. now if they say that az mn fl or those southern state have more sex. Here is for for thought, in those sunshine states OLD people out number the young!!! So they must be having a lot of sex right! nothing wrong with that ...


1 Comments, 78 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
joe and john   9/30/2010

Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening. Unknown to him, his brother John's wife had died suddenly in his ...


2 Comments, 131 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
......but who will get the wet spot??   9/30/2010

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football!"

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says - "Touchdown, tie score!"

After about five minutes the old man farts again and says - "Touchdown, ...


1 Comments, 108 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
matter of opinion......   9/30/2010

An old man marries a young woman, and though they’re in love, the wife can’t achieve an orgasm.

They ask a psychiatrist for advice. He says, “Hire a strapping young man. While you’re making love, have him wave a towel over your bodies.”

The couple’s desperate, so they hire a male to wave a towel. But despite a lengthy lovemaking session, the wife still can’t get ...


1 Comments, 92 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
domestic dispute....   9/30/2010

Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender,

"Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah, " said Eddie. "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over, " Harvey replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."

"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under that bed, you ...


1 Comments, 101 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
terracamo 59 M
10  Articles
Who's The Boss   9/25/2010

A husband was advised by his psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife henpeck you. Go home and show her you are the boss." The man was on fire with enthusiasm and couldn't wait to try to the Doctor's advice. He rushed home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and growled, "From now on, you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when ...


1 Comments, 173 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Worth the grin !   9/22/2010

1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note ...


2 Comments, 180 Views, 11 Votes ,2.05 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
halloween   9/7/2010

this couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween party but the wife had a terrible headache. She told her husband to go anyway. After a short argument he agreed, and she took some aspirin and went to bed.

Later she awoke and felt great, so she decided to go to the party and see what her hubby did when she wasn't around. As soon as she arrived, she noticed him on the dance floor getting ...


2 Comments, 181 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Husband & wife !   9/5/2010

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
...


3 Comments, 244 Views, 23 Votes ,3.71 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Check for Alzheimer's !   9/3/2010

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University.

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without making a mistake.

The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.

2. This is is cat.

3. This is how cat.

4. This is to cat.

5. This is ...


2 Comments, 144 Views, 13 Votes ,1.13 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Happy woman !   9/2/2010

A woman in her fifties is at home, naked, happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I ...


2 Comments, 177 Views, 16 Votes ,2.98 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Quickie in the Bushes !   9/2/2010

There are two statues in a park; One of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a path way for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for ...


1 Comments, 130 Views, 11 Votes ,1.67 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the earring   9/2/2010

Morris is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker, Joe, is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

"Hey Joe, " he yells out, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal out of it. It's only an earring." Says Joe sheepishly.

"No ...


1 Comments, 119 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
in the beginning....   9/1/2010

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.

"Lord, I have a problem!"

"What’s the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to ...


2 Comments, 117 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
sxetafysweet 56 F
2  Articles
Paper Bag   8/28/2010

Two guys were in a bar arguing whos wife was the ugliest. This went on for some time, until finally they told each other to prove it./:>

So they leave the bar and go to one of the guys house. Guy walks in and says "Honey Im Home"

Wife walks in and yes she was ugly and husband says to the other guy "see I told you she was ugly" Other guy says "OMG" YOUR RIGHT ...


5 Comments, 239 Views, 16 Votes ,2.69 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
The $2.99 Special !   8/25/2010

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

'Sounds good, ' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'

'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte, ' the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.

...


1 Comments, 149 Views, 11 Votes ,2.98 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Senior Love !   8/25/2010

An elderly senior couple was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening. She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love. While the husband was in the living room, her ...


1 Comments, 107 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
big vacation   8/24/2010

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but were never able to save any money to do so. One day they came up with an idea--each time they had sex, they would put $20.00 bill into a piggy bank.

They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year. After that time, they decided that there was enough money for their ...


2 Comments, 101 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the nympho   8/24/2010

A guy sees his buddy in a bar and says, "You're not going to believe this, but I've got a wild nymphomaniac in my car out in the parking lot. She's wearing me out! Can you go out to the car and keep her busy? The dome light is off, so she won't know you're not me!"

His friend agrees and goes out to his car.

They climb into the back seat and start going at it.

A few ...


1 Comments, 170 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
out to lunch   8/24/2010

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another order at a table a few paces away) suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman dining across ...


1 Comments, 95 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
gun shopping   8/24/2010

A woman walks into a sporting-goods store and asks the salesman if he could help her pick out a rifle. Its for my husband, she explains.

Did he tell you what caliber to get? asks the salesman.

Are you kidding? He doesnt even know Im gonna shoot him.


2 Comments, 110 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
CTska 35 M
4  Articles
So   8/23/2010

A guy says to his wife who happens to be wearing a lemon between her legs (he is wearing a potato), if your going as a sour puss, i'm going as a dick potato. ba dum


4 Comments, 98 Views, 6 Votes ,0.52 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
The genie !   8/16/2010

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....

Unfortunately, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked ...


2 Comments, 177 Views, 20 Votes ,3.38 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
big johnnie   7/31/2010

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in ...


2 Comments, 180 Views, 10 Votes ,5.38 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
a womans touch   7/31/2010

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

She said, "You have a bigger dick than all of your friends."


3 Comments, 188 Views, 10 Votes ,5.58 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the hen pecked hillbilly   7/31/2010

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a ...


2 Comments, 156 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
once again....communication is key...   7/31/2010

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No, " he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar, " she responded.

"I mean, " he ...


2 Comments, 130 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the chairman of the board   7/31/2010

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."


3 Comments, 135 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the story of john smith...   7/31/2010

A woman dies, and when she gets to heaven she asks Saint Peter, "Would it be possible for me to get together with my dear departed husband? He died many years ago." Saint Peter asks, "What's his name?" "John Smith, " replies the woman.

"Gee, " says Saint Peter, "we've got a lot of John Smiths up here. But sometimes we can identify people by their last words. Do you happen to remember ...


2 Comments, 135 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
30 years of marriage   7/31/2010

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving ...


2 Comments, 129 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
final answer   7/31/2010

A man and his wife went to bed one night and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear I have a headache."

The man replied, "Is that your final answer"? She said, "Yes."

...He said. "Ok, then, I'd like to phone a friend."


2 Comments, 117 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
a quote from oscar wilde   7/31/2010

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Oscar Wilde


2 Comments, 55 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
about men   7/31/2010

Men are like fine wine: They all start out as grapes, and it is your job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have with dinner.

Men are like computers: Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Men are like coolers: Load them with beer, and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like coffee: The best ones are ...


2 Comments, 77 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
needy?   7/31/2010

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he/she isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.


2 Comments, 51 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Aging !   7/26/2010

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the ...


3 Comments, 112 Views, 9 Votes ,3.85 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
You know you're a okie when....   7/26/2010

1. You take your for a walk and you both use the same tree. 2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter. 3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 4. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture. 7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it. 8. You have the local taxidermist on speed ...


1 Comments, 71 Views, 7 Votes ,2.02 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Grandma Still Drives!   7/14/2010

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.

She writes,

Dear Grand-,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I ...


4 Comments, 121 Views, 14 Votes ,4.42 Score
FriendAndL0ver 61 M
5  Articles
Top 10 things men know about women.   7/11/2010

10.



9.



8.



7.



6.



5.



4.



3.

2. They have breasts.

1. They have a vagina.


1 Comments, 52 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
rm_MrBritania 38 M
1  Article
Amazing   7/4/2010

Is this all you need to do to get free points?


1 Comments, 63 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
bigtittiebbw 46 F
1  Article
Seriously....   6/3/2010

When chatting online, nothing makes me want to close the chat window faster than a guy saying "ask me anything you want". Yeah, I know that's my perogative. If we can't even make conversation online, I doubt there's going to be much attraction in person. Is "chatting" really that hard? Do we have to turn it into an interview.

That's all. Thank you for your attention. Carry on.


2 Comments, 181 Views, 7 Votes ,1.77 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
There's got to be a morning after !   5/28/2010

In the shitty gaa-bie little small southern town of Purgatory I live in I was found hanged from a pine tree limb in the overgrown front yard of the abandoned house I was hiding away from the world in. It was a half a block from the only red light in town and although cars and people walking by all day it wasn't reported till late in the afternoon.

But I wasn't hung with with rope, but ...


8 Comments, 189 Views, 27 Votes ,3.35 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
The Bagpiper and the Homeless Man!   5/10/2010

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back-country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw ...


2 Comments, 99 Views, 16 Votes ,0.78 Score
nvrgetsenuf 50 F
11  Articles
First Date Fuck Ups   5/9/2010

We've all had them. Admit it. Everybody's had at least one. Well, I've had more than one. There's one that almost got me arrested. And how about the one who's wife called me ten minutes after he dropped me off? I've got a hundred stories, but I'm only gonna tell you about one.

The names have been changed to protect the guilty. Before I tell you this story I have to tell you a little ...


1 Comments, 258 Views, 11 Votes ,4.29 Score
christopher___25 31 M
12  Articles
humor   4/17/2010

if a hot guy grabs you on the ass and pussy your so lucky, if a not so hot guy grabs you on the ass and pussy it's sexual abuse and he gets charged.how are men supposed to know if it is right to touch. i know a hot guy that walked around his back yard naked and his neibour who was a church going lady was watching now she calls him up for sex every night and they fuck.but if some men tryed that ...


1 Comments, 48 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Free kittens !   4/17/2010

A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing a number tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.

Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall, grinning man.

"Hi there, little girl, I'm President Obama. What do you have in the basket?" he ...


2 Comments, 144 Views, 33 Votes ,1.49 Score
sweetnsingle30 39 F
1  Article
yellow thread   3/24/2010

this lady i used to live with when i was younger that the only way she would let me live with her was if i promised to stay a virgin. And if she ever found out if i had sex she would than sew my hole with yellow..I laughed and asked her why yellow thread? She replied with so when a man goes down on you he can see that is sewn shut..lmao i couldnt bear to tell her that i had just got done having ...


5 Comments, 209 Views, 13 Votes ,1.30 Score
kathywithgary 43 C
16  Articles
Snow Sex   3/20/2010

It was a cold snowy day, when we had to saddle up the horses to go check the fence line. He wasn't my boyfriend but we had a secret sex life. Half way threw we took a break tieing the horses to a tree. The next thing I knew he pulled me close and said lets have some fun. I said it's snowing and daylight and what if someone sees us. I was still shy cause of my high school age. I said the snow ...


2 Comments, 167 Views, 14 Votes ,4.42 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Mixed emotions !   3/16/2010

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions”.

The husband turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

She said: “Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick.“
...


3 Comments, 168 Views, 43 Votes
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Sweet tea !   3/1/2010

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."

Two weeks ...


3 Comments, 215 Views, 43 Votes ,0.74 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Church Offering !   2/25/2010

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1, 000. It happened again the next week!

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I ...


2 Comments, 191 Views, 35 Votes
When My Parents Visit   2/16/2010

Being that it was my birthday, I have to admit I was hoping for breakfast in bed. When I wandered into the kitchen, half-asleep and even less coherent, I was hoping for at least a decent breakfast. I was wishing for waffles and eyeing the Cornflakes when I heard a giggle behind me and my boxers were jerked down my legs. I spun around and nearly fell in the process but Sarah caught me before I ...


7 Comments, 694 Views, 15 Votes ,5.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 70 M
2172  Articles
STAGES OF BEING DRUNK   1/17/2010

Stage 1 ‒ SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING

This is when ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 10 Votes ,3.78 Score
DDBDM 56 C
3  Articles
Compliments come in many forms   1/14/2010

Being sexy for the one you love is as important and feeling sexy. As we age and grow old with our partner we still want to look good. When I was young I was a swimsuit model, now that I'm middle aged I've gained a few pounds my husband calls me curvy. That makes me feel good when we joke around and I'm complaining of being out of shape he simply says "honey round is a shape". lol


5 Comments, 179 Views, 20 Votes ,3.51 Score
Agr3ss1v34U 45 M
0  Articles
The ElectroLux Vacuum Cleaner Parts Salesman is my !   1/9/2010

I was in a lengthy relationship with a straight-laced vanilla 6th grade school math teacher who would frequently wear her hair in a bun. Yeah, you've got the right mental image right there.

She also suffered from uncontrollable OCD which was a double-edged sword. She could take her medications and be semi-normal. With one exception, no sex was happening while the medication did its magic ...


1 Comments, 128 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
18764930560SEX 30 M
10  Articles
HAVE YOU EVER FUCKED SOMEONE THAT HAS A BAD SMELL????   1/5/2010

Its a funny yet serious situation because its hard to tell someone they smell...... DAMM


6 Comments, 127 Views, 8 Votes ,1.86 Score
anythingoes299 47 C
12  Articles
Serious Couples Have To Have Relationship Humor.   12/5/2009

When attemping the swinging lifestyle one thing you wanna make sure you have is relationship humor.I think with out this it's hard for a couple to live in this lifestyle. I wanna know what you others think?


1 Comments, 101 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
john and jill   11/21/2009

John and Jill were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

John says, "Well, give me some examples."

Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't ...


2 Comments, 260 Views, 13 Votes ,5.49 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
a day in the life....   11/21/2009

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.

About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?"

Of course, the wife agrees, ...


0 Comments, 179 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the wedding   11/20/2009

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen, " the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?"

"Easy, " the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said, 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."


0 Comments, 176 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
rewards in heaven   11/17/2009

3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven".

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.

The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife a little but I stilll love her." He gets ...


1 Comments, 158 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
why buy the cow....   11/15/2009

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a cow in North Carolina, for $200.00.

They bought the cow from N. C. and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. ...


1 Comments, 155 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
shoulda bought a hat.....   11/12/2009

An elderly couple named Margaret and Burt live in Alberta. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife, 'Notice anythingdifferent about me?'

Margaret looks him over, 'Nope.'

Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and > walks back ...


1 Comments, 147 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
good trade....   11/10/2009

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.

After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown ...


1 Comments, 145 Views, 11 Votes ,4.48 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
marketing and promotions   11/10/2009

One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips.

Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"


1 Comments, 122 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
air traffic controller   11/10/2009

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the U.S. Air crew, screaming: "U.S. Air 2771, where the hell are you going?

I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's ...


1 Comments, 141 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
an italian,a frenchman ,and the jew   11/9/2009

The Italian man says, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end."

The Frenchman boasts, "Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for fifteen minutes."

The Jewish man says, "Well, ...


2 Comments, 124 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
hanmurk 39 F
3  Articles
big boobs   11/9/2009

i have come to realise that most young men who see me are intrested in my breast and my grosse butt while old men are intrested in what you can make them happy with why this may be you can tell me


5 Comments, 152 Views, 12 Votes ,1.92 Score
HandleThisOne19 30 M
15  Articles
This is nice   11/8/2009

let me know what you think about roleplaying.


3 Comments, 92 Views, 4 Votes ,0.14 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
guess your weight   11/7/2009

A man decides he wants to have a pig roast, so he goes out to a pig farm to buy one. He agrees on a per pound price with the farmer and then begins to select a pig. "How about that one?"

"OK, " replies the farmer. The farmer then picks up the pig, puts it`s tail in his mouth, lets it hang from his mouth and then declares, "This one weighs 74 pounds."

"That`s amazing, " the man ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
goat hunting   11/7/2009

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals.

The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer.

"It ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
used parrot   11/7/2009

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner replied, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of , and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird ...


1 Comments, 89 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
travisb66 52 M
9  Articles
freudian slips   11/4/2009

Two guys are discussing their weekends around the watercooler one Monday, and one says, "You ever have an embarassing slip of the tongue? I was at dinner with my girlfriend, and the waitress had a huge rack. I was really good all night, consciously keeping myself from staring at her, until my girlfriend offers to pay. She pt down some money, and i asked her if she'd left a decent tit. I was ...


2 Comments, 184 Views, 14 Votes ,3.14 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
secret to a long marriage   11/3/2009

There once was a little old man and woman who had been married happily for 75 years. They never kept anything from each other. But, the little old woman had a box in her closet which she told her husband not to look at. He respected her wishes and thought nothing of it.

One day the little old woman got very sick and her husband was afraid she was going to pass on. So while she she was ...


2 Comments, 151 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
2 hours of GREAT SEX !!!!   11/2/2009

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
story with a moral....   11/1/2009

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.

The question was: What do ...


1 Comments, 68 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
the virtue of purity   11/1/2009

A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."

"That must be rather difficult." the man replied.

"Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband ...


1 Comments, 91 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
one of THOSE days....   11/1/2009

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?" Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So what happened that's so horrible?

Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked ...


1 Comments, 85 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
six double vodka's   11/1/2009

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the bartender, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.

When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that ...


1 Comments, 82 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
josmith5 57 M
1466  Articles
a sexist joke :O   10/30/2009

...why do men like to be on the bottom during sex so much?

......because they only know how to fuck up


2 Comments, 55 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
The healing touch !   10/2/2009

A Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The man looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes, " so the man told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat ...


4 Comments, 219 Views, 48 Votes
damerk1 31 M
10  Articles
Politically Correct   9/25/2009

He does not have a BEER GUT. He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not a BAD DANCER. He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME. He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He is not BALDING. He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

He is not a CRADLE ROBBER. He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get ...


1 Comments, 48 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
damerk1 31 M
10  Articles
Combacks   9/25/2009

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. ...


1 Comments, 57 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
damerk1 31 M
10  Articles
Men   9/25/2009

... Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

... Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

... Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.

... Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

... Coolers. Load them ...


1 Comments, 32 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 70 M
2172  Articles
AMISH ELEVATOR   9/18/2009

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father(never having seen an elevator) responded, ", I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were ...


0 Comments, 89 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
rm_tazmantenn 70 M
2172  Articles
Goodbye Daddy   9/18/2009

tsk tsk tsk...motherhood is a certainty...fatherhood a probability...

GOODBYE DADDY

A father put his 3 year old to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying: 'God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa.' The father asked, 'Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?' ...


0 Comments, 139 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Marriage counseling‏ !   9/4/2009

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over ...


3 Comments, 228 Views, 30 Votes
gashapon2 50 M
38  Articles
30 truths about women   9/1/2009

1. Wherever they are, women will stop to look at four things, earrings, handbags, shoes, and clothes.

2. Women love eating chocolate cake but always complain about their weight.

3. If a woman ask you if she is getting fat, if you say ‘no’, she won’t believe you and if you say ‘yes’, she’ll get mad.

4. If you need to explain ...


3 Comments, 140 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Trip to Vegas !   8/25/2009

George and Gertrude decided to celebrate their 50th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off.

Gertrude objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

"Gertrude, she's a ."

"I don't believe you. ...


4 Comments, 190 Views, 27 Votes
entice257 53 M
9  Articles
GENDER ITEMS   8/8/2009

ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue ...


1 Comments, 55 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
entice257 53 M
9  Articles
WHAT WOMEN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN   8/6/2009

1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming to high.

2. Women don't make fools of men-most of them are the do-it-yourself types.



3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you've got sick of him.



4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

...


2 Comments, 83 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
_JKH_ 65 M
858  Articles
Confounded sex !   8/3/2009

A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3, 500 for 'small, $6, 500 for 'medium, $14, 000 for 'large.'

The man was sure he would wanta medium or ...


3 Comments, 189 Views, 34 Votes ,0.18 Score
entice257 53 M
9  Articles
Man Rules   7/27/2009

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and ...


1 Comments, 118 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
entice257 53 M
9  Articles
Milk   7/25/2009

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."

Here's an update for you . . . Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.

Why?

Because women finally realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig . . . just to get a little sausage.


3 Comments, 141 Views, 11 Votes ,4.48 Score