The Sanctity of a Blowjob  

7Diogenes 100M
149 posts
8/14/2019 8:04 pm
The Sanctity of a Blowjob


What ever happened to the sanctity of a blowjob?  I remember the day when oral sex was something special, out of the ordinary.  Or maybe it was because I wasn’t getting any.  Girls back then just didn’t “do that”.  You had to go to the nasty XXX theater downtown, the one with the sticky floors that hopefully were spilt soft drinks, to even see one.  I suppose I could have offered one of the toothless homeless guys that hung around outside a couple of bucks for one but I don’t lean that way.  So I did without.  Well, except for that one time, but I was drunk.

Today, it’s a given.  A guy doesn’t even have to go through the formalities of a dinner and a movie before she’s down there gobbling your knob.  I kind of miss the apprehension, the sexual tension of the old days.  

The old days, if you were the type that paid for sexual favors, the going rate was $20 for a bj and $40 for the honey pot.  I never got any through those means, not that I didn’t try.  The working girls always thought I was law enforcement for some reason.  That or they could smell the desperation.

Like I stated earlier, it’s so commonplace now that if it doesn’t happen, I know I probably should have showered more than the usual once a fortnight.  Or at least scraped the outer crust off from the last encounter.  Note to self, shower more frequently/carry Handi-Wipes.

It’s so routine anymore.  I’m surprised that women find it necessary to post pictures smoking a big fat dick in their mouth to assure us that they’re willing.  The pictures that slay me are the ones where the woman is looking up at the camera.  Sure, I’ve had the woman look up at me while in the act.  You women do that for a reason.  You want to know if we’re watching you do it, if we’re enjoying it.  Hell yes, we’re watching you.  You’ve got teeth down there around our most prized possession.  Have you seen what a piranha can do in just a few seconds?  What we  males are looking for is any indication that you might go Linda “The Exorcist” Blair bat-shit crazy and leave a bleeding stub.  Fuck yes, I’m watching you.  With both eyes.  And the clenched fists aren’t due to sexual pleasure.  That’s a natural defense mechanism, just in case.

Then they all think they’re experts at it.  Porn stars.  They started out by practicing on bananas, carrots, cucumbers then moved up to ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands, future ex-bosses.  Maybe there’s a reason you’re single, divorced, unemployed.  Just because you’ve sucked a lot of dicks, fruits or vegetables doesn’t necessarily you an expert make.  Ask the guy at your next job interview what he thinks.

Oh, then there’s the expressions for their expertise.  ”I can suck the chrome off a (Ford, Dodge, Chevy) bumper.”  They never use one of the cheap import cars because the chrome just flakes off those pieces of shit.  Well let me explain my unease with that particular expression.  Do you know how the chrome is applied to the bumper?  It’s electroplated.  It’s almost impossible to remove.  So then think about the act of sucking the meat off a buffalo wing.  Doesn’t take much, does it?  Well, molecularly speaking, my dick is structured more like a chicken wing than a car bumper.  And you wonder why the wood went away.

Or the infamous, “I can suck a tennis ball through a garden hose”.  And that is supposed to impress me?  Listen, the average penis is about the same diameter as a garden hose but shorter (woe to you).  About two inches lower from the hose are two balls that are significantly smaller than tennis balls.  Get the picture?  What if you are in fact, capable of doing that?  Can you blow as good as you suck? Because you’re going to have to put those things back where you got them when we’re done here.

Yeah, I think I’m done with the self proclaimed blowjob experts.  Thanks but no thanks.  You scare me.


When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door, that's how doors work.


7Diogenes 100M
360 posts
8/14/2019 8:05 pm

Yah, yah, yah. It's a repost. But it's a good one ...

When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door, that's how doors work.


superbjversion2 64F  
16548 posts
8/14/2019 8:52 pm

Suddenly, I wish I had chosen mediocrebutenthusiasticbj as my handle. You probably think I'm one of those self-proclaimed experts.

I put the sex in sexagenarian


7Diogenes replies on 8/15/2019 12:22 pm:
"... mediocrebutenthusiastic ..." that is hilarious. No, I don't think you're a self-proclaimed expert. I think I know you better than that. I probably got a little carried away when I was writing this, the first time I posted it, Wow, the comments .... Some of them must have taken it personally.

Wonder167 52F  
3504 posts
8/15/2019 9:10 am

I should have read all the way to the first comment and I wouldn't be sitting here thinking it was deja vu! lol

I've never proclaimed to be able to do any of those special things. Suck chrome bumpers or do whatever with tennis balls. Hell it's been so long, I might have forgotten how. Is it like riding a bike? Anyway, make ya a deal, with inflation and all, I'll do the deed for you for $40. I'll even hesitate a bit if it makes you feel better.

Life is like a camera. Focus on what's important.
Capture the good times.
Develop from the negatives and if things don't work out,
Take another shot!


7Diogenes replies on 8/15/2019 12:30 pm:
Deja vu, all over again. Yah, this was one of my first pieces, and like a first-born, a personal favorite.

Pretty sure it's like riding a bike, or a horse, or a trike. Or driving. Or ad nauseum ....

$40, no hesitation, and I'll rewire your Costco kitchen trashcan. That's a win/win.

pocogato12 67F  
27764 posts
8/15/2019 9:23 am

I do not think this is a "project" one can claim to be an expert at. I love this re-post and I eyed it quite carefully as I snickered

(Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group


7Diogenes replies on 8/15/2019 12:24 pm:
Snicker is good. Snickerdoodle even better. Thank you for taking the essay in the spirit it was intended. You're one of the few good (intelligent) ones on here.

superbjversion2 64F  
16548 posts
8/15/2019 1:44 pm

btw - you overlooked those ladies that can tie a knot in a cherry stem with their tongue. Personally, I prefer a penis not so small or not so flexible.

I put the sex in sexagenarian


Wonder167 52F  
3504 posts
8/15/2019 2:00 pm

**$40, no hesitation, and I'll rewire your Costco kitchen trashcan. That's a win/win.**

JACKPOT! That's like the best offer I've had in............uh, forever!

Life is like a camera. Focus on what's important.
Capture the good times.
Develop from the negatives and if things don't work out,
Take another shot!


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